This situation reminds me of a article I wrote for a zine I never finished titled "and there go your hopes & dreams..."

On Being the "Other Woman"

We all know the girl. We sit around and gossip about her with our friends. Home-wrecker. Slut. Whore. Bitch. Ever since I spent half a year known as the "other woman" I began to take on a slightly different perspective. I was, and still am, a totally hopeless romantic. I, therefore, believe that is is/was more probable for a man to leave an unhappy relationship when the prospect of a possibly great one appears rather than stay in an unhappy one. Riiight. How naive am I?

I was approached by a guy who showed interest in me. He was different from anyone I had ever met before. When he told me that he liked me but we going to stay with his girlfriend I accepted it [horrible lie warning]. We continued to hang out as friends. We had amazing chemistry that couldn't be denied. He didn't seem like the type of guy who would lead on a girl while he still had a girlfriend.

When that was what started to happen, I, along with the help of my closest friends, convince myself that he was not the type of guy who would do such a thing. He cuddled me when we would watch movies and eventually he kissed me.

I knew he had a girlfriend, he knew he had a girlfriend. I knew that he thought he was in love with her. I know now that he didn't really care about me at all. But I kept it up anyway and eventually his girlfriend broke up with him. [Note: She didn't know that he cheated on her. She broke up with him of her own accord]. He cried and I was there for him.

Five days later he asked me out. Two months later he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend.

After we broke up we remained friends. He convinced me that it was my fault that she had broken up with him in the first place. It was my fault he cheated on me. It was what he had to do to convince himself that it wasn't his fault he was an asshole. As I have learned it is not only the girlfriend that blames the "other woman." It, in some cases, is the man as well.

A suggestion to the "other women" of the world: Even if the relationship between them isn't good; Even if she is not interested in him in the slightest; Even if she says he care about you...he will NEVER leave her for you.

My experience as the "other woman" has left me feeling insecure, unwanted and not as good as others. I've lost the ability to trust. I'm getting over it though, and the experience has only made me stronger in character.

- October 21st, 2003

Why can't I take my own advice?

I've never regretted anything like this before:

It was a Thursday night, either in September or October 2001. I was at My----- with people I worked with at S------. They were all 26-27 and I was 17. I got drunk out of my mind on rev's at D----'s. Eventually we went over to My---- and they all deserted me. I found myself alone in a bar, when I had never even been inside a real bar.

Eventually I sat down drunkenly upstairs near the dance floor on that bench that used to be directly across from the bar in the open area, where no one is dancing. A couple of minutes later, he sat beside me. We looked at each other. I asked him if he wanted to dance. He said yes. We made our way onto the dance floor where we made out until closing time.

I felt as though I was going to be sick. We went down to the coat check to get my jacket, where he asked me for my number. I gave it to him - I might have even given him a fake name, I don't really know. We walked to my car, which was parked outside the local newspaper office and he sat there with me while I got sick.

We continued to kiss all the while he was trying to convince me to go back to him place with him. I don't really remember what happened after that - in regards to how i got home, etc. All I know is I didn't go home with him.

Exactly a week later my parents’ telephone rang at 3a.m. They woke me up saying it was for me. I answered - "hi k----, it's g-----" - I promptly hung up on him. That was the last I heard of him, for 5 years.

On Monday February 27th 2006 I had an exam to study for. My friend and I went to study at a local coffee shop. I walked in and noticed there was a band playing J----- C---. I looked up and saw a very very cute boy, and immediately decided he would be my new crush. With little researched I discovered that this wasn't just some random boy, he was the boy from five years earlier.

Recently I started working at a new job. I walked in on my first day, and saw a poster for someone subletting an apartment. Since I was/am in the market for an apartment I contacted him via e-mail. It turns out it was the SAME BOY, again. We just spent that last 5 hours talking about music via e-mail.

I don't believe in fate, at all. But this is starting to creep me out. I haven't been smitten over a boy like this, since I don't even remember when.

There is a huge catch though. He has a girlfriend. A live-in girlfriend. The last time I took on an endeavour of breaking up a relationship, things did not work out well for me - and that wasn't even a LIVE-IN girlfriend. My heart was broken.

I'm scared I don't have the patience to follow through with this as it should be followed through with - I'm scared I'm going to push it. Not allow the friendship time to grow, expect too much too soon, all the mistakes I've made in past relationships.

Not to mention, my current on-again-off-again sort of maybe boyfriend - who I care about. I don't know what to do.